On Saturday 7th May 2022, PJ passed away. He had so many titles, husband, dad, brother, dada, nana, the list goes on and on. I’m going to call him PJ, the title everyone knows him by.

Now, I could start by telling you all what happened on Saturday but nope, I want this page to be about our memories with and about PJ.

My memories will always be about golf.

Let me tell you about a typical round of golf with PJ. Picture the setting, a warm weekday morning, tee time booked for 10am. We’d usually play in a four ball (to you non golfers, this means 4 golfers play together). 3 of us would usually be there about an hour early to warm up, get out clubs and trolley ready and put our golf shoes on. A final putt on the practice green and it was time to walk to the 1st tee. Time now was about 9.35am, and still no sign of PJ. The journey time from home to the golf club is usually 5 minutes. As time passes, we’re all beginning to stress and keep checking out watches. Golfers with tee times after us are having their final practice putts or in the pro shop. The time is now 9.50am and all of a sudden a silver Mercedes roars into the car park, it’s PJ and his usual parking spot is near the entrance to the car park. He gets out of the car, cool as you like ‘hello boys, lovely day!!’ Within 5 minutes, he’s unloaded his trolley, attached his bag to the trolley and locks his car as he makes his way to the 1st tee saying hello to near enough everyone there. Every time PJ was at the course, there’s always a ‘hello PJ’ being heard. What about his golf shoes you all ask…well, when PJ was playing golf, he never left home without putting on his golf shoes. It’s 9.55am, he selects his clubs, comes to the tee greets everyone, a couple of stretches and he’s ready. Teams are picked and off we go. I’ve gone left, PJ has gone straight and just cleared the rough and ended up on the fairway. Reliable Trev is in the middle of the fairway and Angelos, another leftie like PJ is just to the right. Banter started, we make our way down the fairway. On the way down the hill, PJ dashes into the cloakroom to leave his shoes to change into after the round. We’re lucky, we’ve all found our balls!! (BEHAVE!!!).

PJ is first to go. Usual dilemma for him is whether to take on the brook and try and get it over or, play short. Usually depends on his mood (has he had a good nights sleep? Has he had a good breakfast?). He’s laying up. Angelos next, he goes for the green, and plays a good shot. Reliable Trev, hits his shot, straight as ever and on the green. Puff on his cigarette, club back in his bag and off he goes. I’m next, I’m in the rough, I need to hit a right to left shot. I’m ready and guess what…it’s a good shot but could have been better. PJ walks up to his ball. Now, PJ has a tendency to go for gold but miss hit the ball and it trickles into the brook. Whoosh, he hits the ball, it’s airborne, it looks good, he bounces just before the green, is it hard enough…it’s rolling, going up and down the contours. It’s stopped. It looks like 6 foot from the flag!! Where’s PJ…oh he’s at the brook looking for golf balls!!! Golf ball retriever in hand, he walks up and down the brook…he’s stopped, he’s extending the retriever, he’s stopped a homeless golf ball is about to be given a home!!!as we walk over the bridge, I look back and see he’s not got one, but fished out 3 golf balls!!! I shout to him to hurry up!! PJ has more golf balls than he needs!!! As he walks up to the green, we’ve played our shots and just wait for him to finish up. He walks to his ball, marks it and runs it clean. His putter is now in the air acting like a plumb line to figure out the contours. Has he figured it out?? The marker is replaced with the ball and he steadies himself to hit his putt. Putter goes back and gently hits the ball…it’s rolling, did he read the contours correctly??? The ball nears the hole, as it gets closer, PJ lifts a leg ready to celebrate…the ball veers slightly to the left, along the edge of the hole…leg down but the word we’ve heard hundreds of times before are omitted from PJ’s mouth…’bastard’!!!!. 2 pars and 2 bogeys. Nope, not going to explain!!! On to the next tee…

PJ is smiling, either it’s the par or the fact he found the golf balls. We all select our clubs and walk up. Now, we should be playing golf here but what’s PJ doing??? Fencing with his golf club Angelos is his victim. Usual comment to Trev is ‘you smoke too much!!!’ Trev smiles and puffs away 🤣🤣. We always had fun, PJ always distributed mar bars at the 10th tee. His swing was unique, his body so supple and flexible that teenagers would look in awe at him!!!

I could go on and on, so many lovely memories…like the one where PJ turns up in shorts, a sight you’re never ever going to see again!!, or the time he got a hole in one (he has a total of 3), or the time where he chatted up the lady captain, or the time he won those competitions, or the time….yep, they go on and on!!!

That’s my memory…

This is from my brother Kris…

What a weird 2 weeks it's been. Exactly 2 weeks ago, to this day, our father passed away. We all thought we had more time with him but clearly God had other plans for him. Although we feel deep sadness that he isn't with us any longer and won't be able to share his wisdom and knowledge any more, we know that everything he has instilled in us will be with us forever and see us through the good and tough times that we will undoubtedly experience. The most striking thing that has come from my fathers death is that he has brought our family closer to each other. Never have I known a time when my sister, my brother and myself have been so close. We all have partners and my sister and I have kids and every single person has stepped up and shown how loving, caring, strong and supportive they can be. It's been amazing and I know that our relationship will get stronger as each day passes. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family. We are also all here for my mother and we know that although she has experienced a great loss, with our support and love she will come to terms with her new life and learn to accept and enjoy the years ahead, whilst still having memories of father.
So as we have said goodbye to dad, we have also celebrated his life and recounted many fond memories. We have seen many funny videos and pictures and also remembered the tough times that he faced in his early years and how he overcame them to achieve what he did during his 78 years on this earth. Five more weeks and it would have been 79 years! It's been an emotional two weeks but it's also been 14 days where we have all come together as a family and that is what dad would have wanted. We love and miss you dad and we know that whatever we do, you will be guiding us, looking out for us and probably having a go at us when we get things wrong. We know you will still be there for us ❤️.

This is from my sister-in-law Vikki…

I first met PJ back in 2015 as a member of his staff at the venue in Desborough. When Kris used to say to Gillian and I that PJ was on his way, we’d always do a quick whip round to make sure everything was in shape as he would be the first to pass comment if something was out of place or if a mirror had a slight mark on it. My first personal memory of PJ was when I helped arrange the golden wedding anniversary party for Hansa & PJ at the venue. I remember working 12 hour days leading up to the event to make sure everything was perfect for them and their guests. Every knife and fork was shining and every glass was glistening. I arrived at the venue around 3pm that day with PJ waiting to greet me at the top of the steps. He opened up his arms to me and gave me my first official Indian hug. He thanked me for my efforts and told me the place looked wonderful. I knew then and from that day forward I would always continue to support the Malde family and I am so fortunate and happy that my relationships with the family have gone from strength to strength. Although not always in London, my thoughts are never far from you all.

This is from my niece Piia…

I don’t think I ever told my nana any of the ways I really thought about him. He was my best friend in so many ways, he was my grandad, he took care of me, and he spoiled me, he was my dad to ground me and give me advice and help, and he was my friend to talk to me and debate with me and take me to do all the things I wanted to do and to share our interests. And it’s hard to find that many things in one person, but in him I did. Its lucky for someone to find that in their grandad let alone in anyone. It could seem like I’mromanticising it because we did argue, but we talked about it,and we knew who we were and took each other for exactly who we were. He was truly someone so special to me, to a point I didn’t really comprehend. 

I told him so much, more than what I think most of you would think appropriate to tell your grandad. I told him when I was about to smoke weed, what the experience was like, my first boyfriend, my friendship drama, my near car accidents- I felt comfortable telling him and getting a new reaction every time- I’m pretty sure I caused his heart to raise at an unhealthily high level.  

He believed in me to a point it felt like I could do anything and be anything, that when we started something as soon as I put some work in, he knew where I would end up. When I first started drawing, he told me he loved each and every picture, and when he went shopping, he made sure to buy me a sketchbook, pencils and a how to draw book. When I started golf, he took me to the golf club, as soon as I showed signs of a good grip and a decent swing, he got me a membership, showing me YouTube videos of how to swing, bringing me golf books to read for inspiration, and buying me my own set of clubs and shoes, and making sure to pack me the same golf snack he took when we went out to practice, water and a bar of chocolate. And most recently, when I was stressed and upset about trying to find a job, he phoned all the people he knew who could help me, he tried to think of ways for me to get better, to get where I wanted, and he told me its ok it will take time, and I will find the perfect job that valued me, because he knew what I was capable of. My grandad not only believed in me, but he taught and developed me. He shaped and will continue to shape the person I have become and will become because of ever day I spent with him. Whatever I do, whatever I achieve and who I am will all be in the essence of him.

Nana taught me to have a simple but complex mind. To be simple in love, in kindness and honesty and loyalty. But be complex in thought, passion, skill and learning. And to never be cunning, to never be dishonest and never live life on any terms but your own, to never live life if it isn’t lead and followed by your own pure intentions no matter what anyone else does. To be the person he shaped me to be.

And I don’t care how people say I have had 22 years with him, and I was so lucky. If I’m being honest, it wasn’t enough. I thought I had eternity with him, he was untouchable in my eyes. It’s a short time to me, and that’s all. You can never have enough time or be ok with the time when the person is as important as he is to me. I appreciate and love the time we had but it will never be enough for me because he was everything to me. It’s hard to come to terms with and life is a little cold because it’s missing one of the best things- you. I really miss you. And I honestly love you so much it hurts a little bit.

My nana was and are one of the only men in my life. I never knew much of the love of a dad, or the nice happy bits that go with it. But my time with him, and his role in my life, that was enough to show me what that was like. He was and I will always say it, he was the father I never had, and the best grandad I could ever ask for. Him and my Nani, they are blessings brought down on each and every one of our lives.

This is from my niece Maya…

I’m just going to share a short and sweet memory of my grandad that will always stay with me and always keeps me happy.
Whenever I would go to Nani house after school, dinner would be ready and Nani would call us to the table to eat. Nana would never hear Nani calling him (because he turns the TV up volume 40 watching Indian news). We always had to go and get him. He’d walk to the dinner table and before he sat down he would do a little dance and sing ‘yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy, hey ho, Malde house in the family’. I have no idea where he got this from but he continued doing it and I will always remember it.
Well then…..when we then started eating our dinner, he would have his specific seat at the table with his newspaper and glasses laid out perfectly (this soon evolved to a iPad and a light up magnifying glass). Nani would serve him food and he would eat so slowly because he would keep being distracted. I remember all of the times nana was so invested in the newspapers he would always spill his chaas all over the table. Then he would get angry.
He then told us we weren’t allowed newspapers; iPads and phones at the table…but of course he couldn’t resist.
My nana was a humorous man filled with love. This is only one memory but I can think of so many more. These memories will always stay with me and make me smile.
I know he’s always going to be here for me, watching down on me and I am going to make him proud.

This is from my wife Nisha…

I first met PJ five years ago. I can’t remember the exact details of when I first met him, (forgive my old age brain!) but I distinctly remember my parents being so happy that I had met someone with such a loving, caring and welcoming family and from that day forward, throughout the time I have spent with PJ, I have felt warmth and love. It is so clear the hole he’ll leave in the family. He is a father figure to not only his children but his 3 grandchildren , nieces, and nephews. He is a mentor, an advisor, a businessman, a spiritual guide , a comedian😂, and a debater, but above all I'll remember him by the huge love his family showed him and the love and pride he showed in his family. Whenever we visited, he would talk with such happiness about the achievements of his three grandkids. He would talk so fondly of their independence, confidence, and abilities. He would also tell me so many stories about how spoilt he was by his wife Hansa, how he totally appreciated her in every way imaginable but overall, how he adored her cooking.

At the funeral, several people said to me that it is going to be difficult for me now and that it is my responsibility now to take care of Jesang and the family But, in truth this is not how I see it. Since PJ's passing, Jesang, Kris, Dipti, Vikki, Sal, Ria, Piia and Maya have become so close and I see it as a privilege to be part of this close family and I am honoured to be able to support and help them through this difficult time. After all the love they have given me , I will always be thankful and blessed to be part of this family which has been cemented together by PJ. His legacy and family values will always remain strong and alive x❤️

This is from my sister Dipti…

It’s been a very hard 2 weeks with lots or different emotions. My dad was a spiritual and deep thinking man. I miss dad so much but in a weird way when we’re sitting at my parents house it feels like my dad is still with us I still feel his presence.. A positive, it’s brought my immediate family so much closer and so much open with each other. My dad will be looking down at us feeling proud of each of us. We’re a close family but have always been busy with our own lives, hopefully this is the nudge we needed to think about everyone close around us and bring us closer together. I have lots of memories of dad, happy and sad. But what I want to share with you is what Nisha and I witnessed 2 days after my dad left us. I was at my parents house washing up and I saw what looked like a butterfly whirling down behind my dads banana tree in his garden. I called Nisha to witness what I was seeing and she said it was a feather. I climbed down my parents patio and picked up the white feather. That feather meant the world to me it showed me that dad is at peace and he’s in a happy place. I miss you dad xxx

This is from my brother-in-law Sal…

I have known PJ for a relatively short period of time.
My first meeting was when I was invited for a traditional Malde Christmas dinner in 2017, receiving a warm welcome with lots of lovely food followed by fun and games taking me back many years. It was lovely to experience and to see everyone making a big effort to keep family traditions going, something which has been lost over time in many families.

Within a short period of time his true character came to the forefront, always showing kindness, generosity, loving and protection of all family members, a man of honour, a true leader, role model and someone to admire.

My first experience of seeing PJ in all his glory was at his 50th Wedding Anniversary celebration. In his element showed real character, given this was my first time meeting the wider family, quite an overwhelming occasion. Throughout the course of the afternoon and evening PJ took the time to talk if he saw I was alone, making sure I was well fed and watered and to make sure I was enjoying the celebration, something I appreciated very much.

It has been a strange couple of weeks, days have felt long but at the same time the period has passed quickly. One thing I can say for sure is that PJ will be looking over the family feeling extremely proud of the unity, strength and courage each and everyone has shown during this tough period, his memory and spirit will be with us all forever.
It is a privilege and an honour to be part of the family.

Please add your memories below…